Partial Transcript: Episode 48 (Open Mic)

Nick: I hit record just now because I thought about something that was really funny.  It was an episode of “Top Gear,” and they joked about how every guy goes through a phase in their lives when they think hand brake turns are just going to unlock the pants of all girls.

Virginia: I don’t even know what that is.

Andrew: I think that’s the point.

Nick: Exactly.  It’s like every guy has thought, “Oh yeah!  I know how I can get her: handbrake turns!”  Handbrake turns is where you’re driving  quickly and you turn while pulling your handbrake.  It basically whips you around.

Virginia: Are we talking about a bike?

Andrew: No.  We’re talking about a car.

Virginia: Yeah….. Not cool.

Nick: They point it out great.  “Pants are going to drop.”  And yet, every single time it happens, the girl responds with, “Why did you just do that?”  I have a story like that.  I had a girlfriend just after high school.  For the longest time, my handbrake was broken because I tried that move with her and snapped the cable.  She was in the car, and I pull the handbrake for the turn.  It breaks, and nothing happens.  She was really unimpressed.

Virginia: She didn’t recognize his true genius.

Nick: Andrew, did you ever do a handbrake turn?

Andrew: I have not.  I always went off-roading.  I had a car with 4 wheel drive.

Nick: Did that unlock all of the ladies?

Andrew: No.  It did not.  I got stuck a few times.

Nick: What kind of car did you have?

Andrew: I had the same CRV that I have now.

Virginia: Have I told you my one off-roading story?

Andrew: How do you only have one off-roading story when you grew up on a ranch?

Virginia: This was the time I got caught.

Andrew: Go on.

Virginia: I’m maybe 12 years old.  Best friend and I jump into a little Gator.

Andrew: They’re like golf carts but with better wheels.

Virginia: So we go into the hayfield, which we’re not supposed to do because hayfields are supposed to be completely flat.  It has just rained, and there are wonderful ruts all over the place.  We’re having a field day until we high center this thing on a tractor rut.  We’re completely stuck.  Lo and behold, a neighbor comes out because he sees us.  He pulls us out in about 30 seconds.  We beg him, “Please don’t tell anybody!”  He promises not to.  Sure enough, before we get home, he’s already called my mom.

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